Four Score and a Douche Canoe Ago...

 

STATS:  He enjoys taking his shirt off during self-portrait time. When not taking pictures of himself, he enjoys listening to old Billy Ray Cyrus tapes and counting his chickens before they hatch.

SUBJECT: Score

no kids and not religious. score!!!! and you're attractive. bonus!!!
 

WINK OR STINK: I appreciate that, like me, he worships the devil. And he's honest because I am pretty damn attractive. I was totally going to reply to this guy until I found out he was from Calera! The Calera Clap is nothing to mess around with, people! STINK!

A Touch of Douche

STATS:  When not playing Dungeons and Dragons on the weekends, he does everything perfect including holding up brick walls and tilting to the side for professional shots.

SUBJECT:  Frightened by Fantasy?

I love all animals.
I take my self as seriously as I need to, but I have no illusions about my place in the universe. Only the confidence that I have good stories to tell, and the talent to tell them properly. Novels, screenplays, plays, and more. I used to write comedy for a living. Commercials too, but don't hate me for it.

I like your smile. I like your sarcastic delivery. I like the fact that you are tall, at 5'8". I like the fact that you like wine. I'm something of an expert.

And, my religious views could be termed as more spiritual. It's not a common viewpoint, I will say that. But, I have given it a great deal of thought.

So, I'm funny and smart. I'm thoughtful and I can cook Mexican, Italian, Seafood, some Chinese, plus may of my own recipes. What more could you want from a sarcastic and funny man, working hard to better himself by being focused on accomplishing a graduate degree?

Come one. Take a chance that a 41 year old might not look, act, or think like any 41 year old you might know. Write me back!

Thanks for reading.

M.

WINK OR STINK: I dig his uncommon viewpoint about what...I'm not really sure. I think this guy is a big goober...only because I'm something of an expert in goober picking! I think he probably picks his nose, too. I'm going to sarcastically deliver this guy a big plate of STINK!

Puss in a Suit

STATS: He's a big puss.

SUBJECT: Okay, I gotta admit your profile makes me smile.

Okay I gotta admit your profile makes me smile...some of the things you say are off the wall, and exactly how I think and act. I am inclined to disagree about guys who have cats. While I no longer have them, I didn't sit around stroking them with my pinkie-ring adorned hand, plotting to take over the world. They are sorta like my buddies - I could go days without seeing them, then be all "I love you man!"
I realize that I don't exactly fit your faith parameters, but if you're willing to table that issue, I will likewise withhold judgement on your stated desire for genocide (really though, couldn't you just eradicate the pictures of people in cars, rather than the people themselves?)
I'd like to hear from you!

WINK OR STINK:  He doesn't worship the devil. So definitely a STINK!

Oil of Olay

STATS: When not reading The Elements of Style by Strunk and White, he enjoys cannibalism.

SUBJECT: Your Smile

Hi Pretty

Nice reading your profile, I love your smile, tell me whats the secret of your beauty, I have interest in you and i will love to know more about you, lets start off by been good friends, friends are like the clothes we wear..... Without them we feel naked, I am Christopher but you can call me Chris for short, I am caring, romantic, Loving and above all God fearing. write me chris(CENSORED for his protection)a t g m a i l d o t c o m e hope you can figure it out and write me Enjoy the rest of your day and will be Happy to read from you soon

WINK OR STINK: I'm really on the fence with this one. I like his use of the word naked. His self portrait is among the best I've seen. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to write a damn email so STINK!

The Eagle Has Landed

STATS: 53 years old, enjoys watching reruns of Teletubbies and posing with his hands on his hips.

SUBJECT: Wowsie

Wowsie! Love your headline...everybody says they are funny but I can tell you're for for real Gee, do I have to be too old for you? I sorta don't want to be... Please, just give me some kind of sign...(maybe it was the golden eagle that just flew by). 

....S. (sitting beside a remote lake in MN on vacation)

WINK OR STINK:  My friend Frances said it best -- Please note that he is not just by any average lake in the land of 10,000 lakes. Oh no. He is sitting by a REMOTE lake. He is probably ice fishing. By ice fishing, I mean watching scrambled porn in his motel room. STINK EYE!